A step back for a moment.

POSITIVITY!!!
(Mostly)
Ryan showed his love for me today by accompanying me to St.Louis to sit with me for 4 hours while I got my monthly chemo treatment. It means a lot to me when he shows his affection and care for me like this. It's a big deal because his back pain is made worse by staying in one place for too long (like in the car, waiting room, hospital room). After everything that's happened this past two weeks, I can say that it's really nice to have his support when it matters most.
Not to mention the money it saves me when he drives and won't take money for gas.
When we got back to town he bought me a skillet, bowl, and plate so I don't have to use the community dishes (my immune system being weak, and I'm worried about getting sick).
Sometimes I feel really stupid for complaining so much.
I feel guilty for not just taking it more lightly or relaxing and not letting things bother me so much. Guilty for expecting too much out of people, and setting myself up to get disappointed instead of taking things for what they are so I can appreciate the good parts of life instead of hating the bad parts.
Just a thought.


In the meantime though... for fucks sake I want an apartment/house of my own. I am so fucking tired of living with 8 other people (and guests constantly...the house is usually never occupied by less than 10 people)! Even though I know I would get bored by myself, I really would rather live alone than in a community house anymore.

Buah.

I feel okay after treatment, except a bit of a headache and some extra swelling (water weight) on my hands and abdomen. That's easy to take care of, though.

So goodnight, positivity and appreciation.
I'm glad you decided to visit...don't stay away so long next time.

<3 Luci