Egh...
Today, I feel non existent.
I feel like I'm always waiting for something to happen. But nothing ever does.
My body feels numb. My skin feels numb. I can't even feel my partner's touch.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and I'm not looking forward to it.
I can't go home because I can't be more than two hours from my hospital.
Everyone in my house is leaving town. My "boyfriend" is spending the day/evening with his girlfriend because she likes to cook on thanksgiving for him. Also, he doesn't have an excuse to leave because everything is closed on that day.
Reason number 3452 I feel useless and undesirable.
I am not good enough.
I am not enough.
I am not.

Sick.

I've started therapy. One is a traditional form, you know talking to someone about stuff. The other is an "alternative" form of therapy. I wont go into details, but I'm excited about it and it's pissing my partner off because he doesn't understand it. I have horrible abandonment fears, so after weighing my options against the possibility that he might leave me should i choose to do this...i decided to go ahead and thats a huge step for me.

What, if anything, is accomplished from it, is to be seen.

I had a dream that I got the call for my transplant last night.
It was more like a nightmare. I just fell on the floor and started crying, and they had to drag me towards the operating room. I was so fucking scared. I didn't want to do it at all.
I fear this mimics what will happen in real life.