A rant:
Last night, I went to the hospital. I have a history of sudden death, as in my heart has suddenly stopped and I've died. This has happened twice in the past. It starts with my heart losing rhythm and then slowing, and then, not being able to return to normal, it gives up. And I'm dead.
Soooo, when my heart slowed suddenly from 122 beats per minute, to 50 beats per minute, I decided I didn't feel like dying alone in my crappy bedroom, so I went to the emergency room.
It was a fucking waste of time. The admitting woman actually had me "hold on" after I told her what I was there for, so she could loudly and obviously finish her gossip session with her co-worker. When I got back to my room, the dumbass ER nurse kept insisting it's "protocol" to put in an IV. No, I have a port, I told her. I won that battle. Next, an idiot med student comes in, doesn't listen to me ("So, you're having chest pain?"..."No"... "So, where exactly does it hurt when you get the chest pain?"). Then the real doctor, who got offended when I said I wanted him to call my doctor in St. Louis, "You know, we have perfectly competent cardiologists here, why don't you want to see them?"...sheesh.
Finally, 3 hours later, the doctor comes back in and says I can go home. There doesn't appear to be anything wrong, and my St.Louis cardiologist would contact me tomorrow.
Well, this has happened now 5 times today. A huge difference from the other times I've had arrhythmias. On the discharge papers it read: If you experience shortness of breath (check), lightheadedness (check), or chest tightness (check) at the same time as the arrhythmia, or if it lasts more than 20 minutes (check) please return to the emergency room promptly.
I had all those things!! What the fuck? Why don't my doctors take me seriously? I know there is something very wrong with my heart! WHAT THE FUCK?
So home I went, and sleep I did not get, scared shitless that I would die in my sleep I sat awake writing letters and listening to music.
When no one from my cardiologist's office called me by 1pm today, I called them. "The nurses are all out of the office at this time, can I take a message?" the receptionist says, and I can't help but flashback to being in the hospital and the transplant nurse telling me that she sometimes ignores calls from annoying people who call in all the time. So I left a message and my number.
Four o'clock rolled around and lo and behold, no phone call.
Apparently, my heart almost stopping on a regular basis isn't cause for concern. Apparently, I'm being overly cautious and sensitive.
Let's not forget that I am on a fucking IV drip at home, giving me an antibiotic that's main side effect is "Muscle Deterioration" well, hmmm, my heart is a fucking muscle! Put two and two together? Maybe it's not such a long shot to at least consider that it could also cause arrhythmias, and to at least feign interest or concern.
Let's not forget that I just got out of the hospital a week ago tomorrow, for a fucking STAPHYLOCOCCUS blood infection! Let's not forget that my roommates are all fucking nasty unhygienic douchbags who can't wash their hands after they wipe shit from their asses, and who can't wash a dish with hot water or antibacterial soap because it's bad for the environment. Who can't fathom with their tiny brains, what it's like to be susceptible to disease and illness. That if I catch what they have, it's 10 times worse, and lasts 10 times longer.
And because of that, I now have the flu on top of everything. Very badly. Fever, muscle aches, runny/stuffy nose, sore throat, headache, the whole nine yards. Thanks, assholes.
I wore a mask into the kitchen earlier, and explained that it was to prevent everyone else from getting sick again, and thus infecting each other over and over. "But I already had it!" one of my roommates exclaimed.
"You can get it again, and besides, I have a resistant strain of whatever this shit is, because I don't have an immune system and..." This is when the person started the microwave and interrupted me to ask if anyone had ever tried the variety of squash she was holding.
I'm feeling super negative right now. Super Duper negative time.
Wah.
Wah.
Wah.
Blah blah my life is poopy sometimes, blah blah blah.
BLERRGGGhhh. ah.
