I just got really serious with my parents,
So my mom has been being really weird on facebook lately, making really passive/aggressive remarks on my friend's page's and her own. She called me the other day to tell me my brother broke his right wrist and arm. During the call she said something that made no sense whatsoever, like total gibberish. When I asked for her to repeat it she freaked out and said "Jesus, I make mistakes, okay? I can make mistakes, too!" So just stuff like that lately. Also, she offered my sister $100 to come to the lake and visit them. Yeah. So money must not be a problem like they've been claiming, right? Well read on.
So she texted me this afternoon, to tell me about Alex's cast and stuff. I'm just gonna type the conversation out because that's easier than saying he said she said. My words are in italics, hers are not. Any comments I make are in parenthesis.
Sorry you're doing crappy going off the steroids. So sorry! I love n miss u sooooooooooo much!
I heard you offered Jennie 100 bucks to come see you guys. Maybe you could use some of that money to come visit?
I offered her money to fill up her car so that she could come to the lake to borrow money for her phone bill.
I'm free all day every day, I play pool at night but if you told me you were coming I could figure something out. Fridays/Saturdays/Sundays I'm free day and night.
have some time off, occasionally, minus 2 kids in school, work and school lol. would love to come up OR you come down that would be awesome too, we could go to the mall and khols, we love you! What u think?
I think I'm never stepping foot at the lake again until you guys come visit me. (at this point I just thought what the fuck, I'm done pretending).
Wow. Really?
Yes. Absolutely.
Seems kinda unreasonable.....
(OH THIS PISSED ME OFF!!)
(It took me a long time to type the next one out so she wrote "don't u think???????" )
What's unreasonable is the fact that in three years my parents couldn't visit me once in the hospital. I've been fed up with it for a while but my love for you guys made me overlook it. I just can't overlook that when I needed you most in my life, during recovery, you weren't there. Don't you remember that phone call in November when I expressed all this to you and you promised to try harder? Well 4 months later...you're unreasonable, not me. And I find it hard to believe that in 7 months you couldn't scrounge up a few hours and 50 bucks to come support your seriously fucked daughter.
Your little brother and sister are in school now Jessica! Plus I'm working and in school...I'm sooooo sorry u can't understand this. We love you and are hurt u cannot understand this. It's not the money that we have to scrounge up it is the TIME...don't forget to remember all the times we were there in the hospital, packing up christmas, and cleaning an ungodly room out to make sure you were set (seriously, they visited maybe 6 times for like a cumulative total of 24 hours in 10+ years, came to my house for christmas one time, and helped me clean my room one time. ) WOW your dad and I are hurt and blown away....
Do you understand what I'm saying???
Do you understand????
Please answer.
I'm not wasting anymore of my precious time begging you for the support I need. You have excuse after excuse. You've done the bare minimum, you want an award??? It's pretty bad when my doctors and nurses ask me if my parents are dead or in another country. Sooooo sorry you cant understand how shitty that is. When you decide you guys want to be there for me, let me know. Until then lets just postpone and happy go lucky trips to the mall.
They'll probably shut off my phone. I'm proud of myself for standing up to them, but at the same time I feel like they truly believe what they said. That they have been such strong support to me, that because they came and helped me clean my room once, and they came to the hospital a couple of times for a couple of hours in 10 years, they're parents of the year. Then my mom posted this facebook status "I'm heartbroken and blown away..." and everyone in our family is like "oh what's wrong?". She's such a twat. I was just thinking earlier, what will I lose by not having them in my life. The answer is nothing. What will I gain? nothing. But at least I won't have to pretend that we're some big happy family. I won't have to hear my mom's condescending tone and know-it-all comments because she thinks if you take a chemistry course you're a nurse.
Here is what I wrote recently in response to the question,
Describe your relationship with your parents:
FAKE, FALSE, LIES, PAINFUL, UGLY, DISAPPOINTING, DISTURBING, LACKING, TERRIBLE, DEAD. I am so fucking pissed at my parents I don't think I can ever forgive them for what a shitty, lousy, detrimental "support" system they've been. To hear it from my dramatic mom, you'd think they held my hand and whispered sweet nothings in my ear since the day I got sick when I was 11. Not even fucking close. Sometimes I would come home from the hospital (where no one had visited me) and my mom would berate me for not doing the laundry because "It's not that hard, you just have to sit on your ass and fold clothes" once my parents made me go to a surgery by myself. When I told them I had to be put under and couldn't drive myself home, my dad actually said "I don't give a fuck!" and my mom said "Figure it out, what do you think is gonna happen when you go to college? We're going to drive you to your appointments still? Uh, no way!" When I got to the hospital all I could do was cry and cry and cry. Some of my nurses ended up offering to let me stay at their houses that night.
My parents are fucking cowards.
I waited for a transplant for 3 years. They visited a few times during that period, but never even once when I was sick in the hospital, which for the record was over 10 months total out of the three years. A lot of time, a lot of procedures spent alone with nurses and doctors who stood in for my family. Doctors ask me if my parents are dead or in another country because they haven't met them in 3 years. When I was in the children's hospital other sick kid's parents would hear me getting sick in the next bed and come hold my hair back for me, or hold me when my doctor's first told me I needed another transplant. And my parents think that because they show up a couple of times, spend an hour and bring me panera bread or brush my hair, that everything is peachy fucking keen? No, it's not. Once in children's hospital all my doctors and nurse practitioners and social workers gathered together to talk to me in a board meeting room. They said that since I obviously do not have any parents or responsible adults to help me that they would gladly help me figure out stuff with housing closer to the hospital and getting into school in St.Louis (I was very sick and needed to be nearer to the hospital at the time). That is fucking poetic.
I had been severely ill my senior year of high school, and had just begun to get better when I went to college, yet when I began to get ill again less than a year later, in 2007, my parents said it was my "lifestyle" (which they neither understood nor wanted/tried to) that was making me sick and that it was my own damn fault. They closed my banking account,took back the car they let me use during college (and the car I desperately needed to get to and from appointments) and basically said "good luck". What great human beings. This is all just the health stuff, I won't even get into how my father called me a fat ass and a ball and chain and cunt. How he slapped me punched both of my mothers in front of me, how my mom stood up for him and read through all of my journals trying to find an excuse to put me away.
The real kicker is that after all of this the rest of my family and my parent's friends think they are my "rock" and that they are these wonderful stoic people who have a sick daughter poor them. I wish everyone knew just how fake it all is. Just how deep the lie goes. Just how devastating the truth has been to me. My dad is a sad man. He can't even call me. At least my mom does the obligatory phone calls to ask if I'm alright. My dad just ignores me like I don't even exist. My mom gets off on the attention of having a sick child, and that's the truth. I don't want them in my lives anymore, and if it weren't for my beloved brother and sister, I would say FUCK YOU YOU PIECE OF SHIT SORRY EXCUSES FOR PARENTS. YOU SUCK. AND WHEN YOU GET CANCER OR NEED MY HELP AFTER A TRANSPLANTED ORGAN YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELVES I FUCKING HATE YOU AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW I THINK YOU SUCK SO FUCKING MUCH. YOU ARE PATHETIC.
And that is my description of my relationship with my parents. :) They had better not try to keep me from seeing my brother and sister or I'll fight them so hard. I love my brother and sister unlike anything else in the world and I refuse for them to put our drama between siblings. It doesn't have anything to do with them. Although when my brother called me the other day (he's 10 years old) he wasn't excited at all to be talking to me. I can't help but envision my mom making rude comments about me, and making them think badly of me. I really hope that doesn't happen. Fuck them. The end of that shit.
