There's something to be said about that.

I am having a pretty positive day/night.
Ryan's friend is in St.Louis for a few days from the United Arab Emirates, so I am trying to practice trust and acceptance instead of worry, jealousy and maybe even attention hogging. Surprisingly, I'm not having any trouble with it. Occasionally a thought will pop into my mind. I'll start to get angry at the thought of him lying to me so he can go to St.Louis and party or something totally unfounded like that...and I just smash it. I don't give it any power by not thinking about it.
It seems to be working. I come at it from a point of:
"I love Ryan, and when you love someone, you want them to be happy and content no matter what that entails (unless it hurts you). Even if that means doing something alone, without you. Or participating in something you don't understand or wouldn't do yourself." Repeating this thought over and over to myself keeps me feeling calm and content.
Also, I think about how my relationships are with my friends. A friend tells me they are going to do something alone and I am happy for them. I don't question why they aren't including me immediately. I don't get (too) jealous if they spend a bit of time with me, and a bit of time with other people. Hahaha. Ryan is one of my best friends, so what the fuck is the difference? Sex? Commitment? I think it's the level of vulnerability...but I don't know for sure. It's a tricky thing, love.
Anyway...ramble ramble.

We've been having a really stable calm couple of days.
And it's so refreshing.
He's on his way home right now, but he said he'll stop by before he goes back to his house.
Yay! I really hope he's secretly told his girlfriend that he's staying in St.Louis, and he'll stay the night with me but I know that's not going to happen because he doesn't like lying any more than he has to. Which is another story entirely...for another time.

Tonight was pool league at Mo River in Millersburg. I was practicing really shitty for the first hour or so. Then I took a two hour break and practiced some on the 9ft tables. I was shooting really well. I was put up against a woman, which always makes me nervous simply because I'm not used to playing other ladies. Also, she's ranked a 4 so she's a pretty good player. That always makes me step up my game and play better. Also, it makes me shaky and nervous.
I had to win 2 and she had to win 3 games. She won the first two, and then I got my head out of my ass and won the third game. The last game (her 3rd, my 2nd) was going really well...I ran 6 out of 7 balls, but then got stuck behind one of her balls and the 8 ball. I thought I could squeeze past them, but I shot really sloppily and didn't take my time.
I knocked the 8 ball in, game(s) over.
I hate losing that way, because it's not legitimate. It's the equivalent of fumbling the ball when you're in the end zone. Or tripping between 3rd base and home on the game point.
Just plain dumb mistake.
It's so frustrating because I dedicate 20+ hours a week to studying and practicing this sport. I spend so much money, too. I understand it takes time to get better but progress is so tedious!!! I'm used to being good immediately at everything I do! I'm used to not having to try very hard and getting what I want (that sounds egotistical...but hey) anyway!

But yeah...i'm getting better. So take it with a grain of salt.


But other than that. Pretty good times.

Buah.