hmmmm...where to start today. I suppose I'll start by saying that I'm getting sick I think... Since those panic attacks, I've felt like shit. I think I stressed my heart out a bit too much. I had my heart rate at about 180 for all together, about 40 minutes. I think I might have damaged it more, or weakened it at least.
About 2 years ago, when I was first put on the transplant list, I felt so sick. I was emaciated and weighed 30lbs less than I do now. I was weak and tired and unhealthy.
Since last Thursday, I've felt like that again. Everything I eat makes me feel nauseous, and I'm full all the time. I feel sluggish and tired. My blood pressure is all kinds of funky and even bending over to play pool is making me feel lightheaded.
Egh. What to do.
The good (?) news is that at my parents, I recovered several old journals. I shall now be sharing a tidbit of my choosing in every post from now on.
Hahaha.
From October, 2004, age 15:
Hey,
The other day, Mr.Yates (the principal) called me into his office to talk about the kind of music I listen to. He says it isn't appropriate for school...and for that matter it's not appropriate out of school, either. He then proceeded to give me a lecture (He actually "searched" my locker and listened to a CD Melissa gave me, and the one song he listened to was "Heretic Anthem" by Slipknot) He went on and on about how it said in the song, "I wanna be a sinner" Blah blah fuckity blah. Fuck him...he was like "you know that's worse than KISS?!". Then he said that I wonder why no ones parents will let their kids come over to me house. He said that he was very disappointed in me and that he hoped that in the future, I would remember that conversation and realize he was right.
I still think he's a fucking douchebag, and he was definitely wrong.
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