Fear is the enemy here.

I know this much is true:

I am not a careful person. You don't normally see me with much restraint. I do what I want when I want without much care as to what it entails. It sounds crude but I don't mind. I trip over shit because I don't ever look at the places I'm stepping, only to my destination. I run into doors. I hit my head and drink old water on accident because I forgot to take it to the sink and I puncture my eyeball with an aloe plant. I get my jeans dirty only 5 minutes after taking them from the dryer. I let my car get so messy I can't take any passengers before I clean it. I fall down stairs and I get mad and kick stuff and break my toe because I forgot I didn't have shoes on. I go to the bathroom and forget I'm connected to an IV and pull out the needle on a fairly regular basis. I kick my partner in the face while we're having sex because I kind of forgot he was there.
I'm not careful, or graceful, or suave or whatever.
Stop trying to make me be. I'm not ready, nor do I believe I will ever be ready to be a typical proper woman. Stop making me feel bad for the way I am. It's how I am.
Goddammit.

I'm a fucking fool.