I know how I WANT to feel about everything.
About you.
About Him...
About HER.
But I can't move forward. I can get my heart cut out of my fucking chest and die a thousand deaths and bravely take on 7 surgeries, kidney failure, hip dysplasia, spinal arthritis, and 8 life-threatening blood infections all in a year. But I can't be true to myself. I can't take risks and I can't live the life I want to.
I'm a fucking coward.
I'm scared I won't ever not be a coward.
I'm afraid I'll wait until its too late and end up a lonely washed up shadow of myself sitting around feeling sorry because I didn't take advantage of the abundance of life I've been afforded.
I don't want to look back and wonder where the fuck my life has gone.
I don't want that.
I don't want to be a coward anymore.
Fuck.
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